Quack Miranda Warning

Jan 14 2008 Published by under Absurd medical claims, Medicine

"These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease."

This "Quack Miranda Warning" is on every just about every woo-meister's website. I see dozens of patients every day, and I never Mirandize them, so whats the deal?

There are three ways to look at this: the truthful way, the sinister way, and the bat-shit insane way.

  • Truth: Anyone who wants to sell you something that's a load of crap must use this statement to cover themselves legally.
  • Sinister: Variation of above--someone wants to sell you something that you are supposed to believe is medically useful, but at the same time they tell you in fine print that it is not medically useful. When it doesn't work, they don't get sued. I wonder why anyone would buy something with that disclaimer attatched to it? When I treat someone for a medical problem, I pretty much say that I intend to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent a disease. Why would I say otherwise? It would be a lie. Also, who would go to see a doctor that told you that they didn't intend to diagnose or treat disease. The whole thing is bizarre.
  • Bat-shit insane: The FDA and Big Pharma are in cahoots with the AMA to keep you from learning all the simple ways to treat diseases. They want your money, and they'll do anything they can to get it from you, including suppressing the knowledge that anyone can learn to heal cancer.
  • I can't really help the people who believe #3, but people who are willing to suspend their paranoia should read #'s 1 and 2 a few times. Unless you're being arrested, no one should be reading you your rights. The Quack Miranda Statement is the red flag that should send you running.

    7 responses so far

    • Jim Yu says:

      Welcome to scienceblogs.com!

    • Matthew says:

      I would be interested to see someone study whether those with relatives in health care have better outcomes.

    • Matthew says:

      Great, my first comment, and I post it under the wrong story.

    • Jay says:

      I think most woo-peddlers honestly believe that their woo is effective, which puts them into your "bat shit crazy" class. However, it seems to me that the woo-sters don't need to be conspiracists. Instead they seem to argue, "Oh, that's just the fine print. The FDA is highly resistant to investigating these techniques/treatments so we have to toe the legal line until they stop being so unreasonable. Trust me, this stuff works."
      This line of reasoning plays well since we're all familiar with ass-covering legalese and the plodding progress of bureaucracy.
      If this weren't so, I would agree that the "Quack Miranda" warning ought to raise more eyebrows!

    • J. Defoe says:

      Let's do a mandatory rewrite without the exaggerations --
      Bat-shit insane:
      The FDA and Big Pharma are in cahoots with the AMA to keep you from learning all the SIMPLE WAYS TO KEEP YOURSELF HEALTHY before you need to see a real doctor who will then milk you for all you've got. (No kidding, some have lost their homes! from medical debt.)
      Jay:
      The fine print... kind of like the one from FDA Approved Drug Commercials on TV with the guy talking 1000 words a minute, stating that "in rare cases, some people have had seizures, heart attacks, gone into a coma or spontaneously combusted." LOL!
      Always double standards. I love you guys!

    • zed says:

      Just my OCD coming out, but this shows it was posted Jan 14, 2008 but the first comment was Jan 14 2009, did it really take a year before someone commented?

    • feralboy12 says:

      When you buy a toaster, the instructions will warn you not to use it in the bathtub. We get in the habit of ignoring the fine print.